Dissolutions

I've been meditating for 8 hours. Every craving is amplified. Every aversion. Sharp throbs in the upper back. Cold tightness in the right chest. Some sensations I can't tell if they're in the mind or the body; they escape words. I'm cycling through many flavors. Each one distinct from the last. Each one showing me where it lives in my life. Sometimes I narrow in on a single sensation and stay with it. Other times I open up and let them all come. Some dissolve easily as I let them pass. Some take more time. Some I don't know how to let pass. I only feel their surface, their roots hide from me. Words help unravel them sometimes. I crave dissolution. I wish I'd let these sensations pass through in the first place. It feels like work overdue. But these feelings only make it harder. The only move is to stick with it. It's the only thing under my control. Awareness. As much as it stings. I can feel it getting easier. Maybe.